I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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