Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize