So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
