Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
