I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
