Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
