I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
