no, he came in my armpit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
