Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So squirting runs in the family.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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