I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
