from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
