Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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