my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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