dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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