the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
