It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
