I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
