4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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