Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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