i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
