rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
