So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
