When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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