My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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