More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
