Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
