His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
