I'm really into asian looking animals
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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