3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
