i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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