i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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