I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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