my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
