I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
