Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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