Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
