I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
