i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
