It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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