It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
