I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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