I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
