I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
