woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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