Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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