Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
