What a fucking waste of an outfit
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
