please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
