someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
