why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize