No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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