check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
