I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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