i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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