you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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