Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
