I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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