I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
