There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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