So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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