Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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