Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
