@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
