3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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