A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
