i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
