so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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