Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
