I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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