Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
