does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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