The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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