Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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