New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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