dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
